


15. Write A Letter

by GideonGraystairs



Series: 146 Things To Do Besides Self-Harm [15]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Simon Lewis Feels, Simon-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-18 01:17:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11863632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GideonGraystairs/pseuds/GideonGraystairs
Summary: And keep it just for you.





	15. Write A Letter

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted to [Tumblr](http://raphaelsantiago.co.vu).
> 
> Full title: write a letter to someone but never send it.

It sits in the bottom of his desk drawer, the top one on the left where he keeps everything that matters. It’s tucked between a flyer from the first show he ever played and a yarn bracelet Clary weaved for him when they were ten, folded neatly among a clutter of chaotic things that haven’t been touched since he left them there.

There’s no address on it - he hadn’t had the strength to go that far. It’s just paper and blue ink from a pen that started drying up when he reached the part about his mom. That scratched out the part about Clary. That couldn’t write the part about Maureen.

Because here’s the thing: his skin was itching before he even started it, his cold veins aching for something that wouldn’t mean a thing anymore. He knew everything he wanted to say when he wrote it, but some things wouldn’t translate. Maybe because he didn’t speak their language, because he didn’t understand them himself.

Like the part about Raphael, the one that is nothing but a ghost between the lines and a shadow through the text. His sire’s name sits neatly at the top of the letter, but it can be found nowhere else.

Because here’s the thing: there’s a lot he wants to say to him, a lot he could say to him, but there’s also a lot that would change everything if he did. The thing is that sometimes his veins ache and it  _hurts_ , and sometimes (most of the time) it’s guilt that drives the phantom pain. The thing is that he doesn’t feel guilt stronger than he does when he thinks of Raphael.

The thing, in the end, is that there’s a letter in the top left drawer of his desk and he will never have the strength to send it.


End file.
